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THIS WEEK!
Crow
 Mortality-rate
Study

PUNS
Every Thursday
is LADIES NIGHT
&  Acoustic Tribute Night
(Starting at 7pm) NO COVER


1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'


23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
 
"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
 food shortage in the rest of the world?"
 
Unfortunately the survey was an almost total failure because:
 
1.   In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
 
2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
 
3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
 
4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
 
5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
 
6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
 
7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
 
8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
FOOD SURVEY
A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna South Aus., and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always set up another crow as a lookout in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah",

but could not say "Truck."
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts
before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.
The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said,  "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Knee Jerk Reactions
Construction Holiday is Over
This Saturday:
To go along with
A Tribute to Bob Marley we've added Jerk Chicken
to the Table d'Hôte....
see ya there!