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The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!   There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"

The Captain responds, Patricia, I've told you this before.

 This is Air Force One.

Dear Abby,
 
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating!
 
Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.
 
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies and have sex with hookers while I work so hard to pay our bills.
 
Since our daughter went away to college and then got married, he doesn't even pretend to like me, and hints that I may be a lesbian.
 
What should I do?
 
Signed: Clueless
 
 
Dear Clueless:
 
Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States!

Old one...
 But still funny :)

At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom.
It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.
The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child.

She started walking toward the pastor slowly.

Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom.
The groom's mother fainted.
The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.


The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward?
What do you have to say?"

The woman replied .......... "We can't hear at the back."

GOOD QUESTION
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.
So she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to the DNA test results, this is not our kid.

Husband: Well you don't remember, do you??
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.
 
You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.

So I went inside, left the dirty one there and got a clean one.

Moral:
Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him.??
MEN !